Adoption Itch

The adoption itch: If you have had it, you know what I'm talking about, and you likely have a sweet little one that never spent a moment in your womb as well, because that is pretty much the only cure for the itch. I have it. Again. It seems that many people that adopt do it more than once, so it should be no surprise that I have the itch. Again.

Like many families, our dinner table is an open forum. The other night I threw it out. Of course, the kids have always asked: "Will we adopt again?" Only God really knows. Of course, Aidan and Cole Patrick are all for it. Overall, Brendan is good to have around, if for no other reason than that they really like to tattle! Brendan chimed in, "I used to live with the Big Momma and a boy with funny teeth (he had braces), and you adopted me!" (Somebody has been paying attention!) Jason, I can't exactly read yet, but I couldn't read him on Brendan's adoption either. As a rule, I pretty much just move forward, keeping him apprised--if he objects to something, he'll let me know. That is pretty much how our marriage works, and it hasn't gotten me in too much trouble yet...!

So, I contacted our Adoption Specialist from Brendan's adoption. Apparently, if we want to adopt from the U.S. Foster Care System again, we are good to go. We are still certified, and we would just need minor updates to be ready again for match. Easy Peasy! The problem is I really never do "easy;" I always do things the hard way...it's kind of my motto. I wasn't thinking I wanted to adopt the same way twice--what fun is that? For whatever reason (although, I suspect, He is the reason), I feel led to adopt internationally. Jason didn't really want to hear that; THAT just adds zeros. Paying practically nothing vs. $25,000-35,000...Jason hardly wants to even discuss it.

Okay, I get it--that is a BIG number! We don't have any where near that lying around. We are not wealthy by any stretch of the imagination. We are comfortable, and that is about it--not a lot of extra, but I consider that an amazing blessing. Many folks can't say that much.

As we discussed adoption at the dinner table, we talked about why we would adopt again. A lot of people have strong feelings about adopting either domestically or internationally--we have pretty much always just felt that if we could help at all, that is great. So, Jason said simply: we have more to give, why not? As a mom, I know the first time I didn't care boy or girl or age or race--this time, I would like a child to bridge the five years between Cole Patrick and Brendan, and I would like another child that doesn't look like us. It may not matter to Bren now, but it very well may later. Aidan says, "Okay after we adopt one younger than Cole, let's adopt one older than me!" I responded,"We're going to top off at four kids, Aidan."...I'm certain many families before us have made similiar proclamations, only to learn that God had other plans, and one thing I know, is that He always has the last word.

I woke up this a.m., and my first thought was adoption. I know I have the itch. I am not good at raising funds--I know a lot people are that embark on international adoption, but if my itch persists, I know I will figure it out. One way or another. Love is the primary motivator for adopting, and love will always find a way.

School is Back in Session!

Aidan & Cole Patrick up and ready for the first day!

Aidan and Cole Patrick started school today. After both were successfully dropped off, I told Bren, "It's just you and me, Kid". He promptly turned around and threw himself face-first on the couch. I know how you feel, Buddy, I do. If it wasn't for the fact that I know they would perceive it as torture, I would homeschool in a heartbeat. In fact, the first words out of my mouth this a.m. were "that's it, I'm homeschooling!" However, the grown-up in me that occasionally does emerge, knows that "because I miss them when they are gone to school" is not the best reason to homeschool!



Brendan & Ms. Wresinski: If I homeschooled, my children and I would have missed out on her!

We did make the decision not to send Brendan to preschool this year (if you can call me absolutely refusing to allow anyone else to care for him just yet,"us" making a decison). This was a really tough one. Both Aidan and Cole Patrick went to two years of preschool before beginning Kindergarten, and it was a wonderful experience. I thought both Bren and I would be ready for preschool this fall. In the spring, I even secured him two slots at two different schools (with non-refundadble deposits). When it came time to follow-thru, I realized that I just am not ready for someone else to be his caregiver--he hasn't even been with us a year!


Walking home from school with the big boys

Bren had his foster parents for two-and-a-half years, during that time, he went to daycare five days a week. I don't care what any one else says, NO ONE loves you and looks out for your best interests like your Mama. I know there are a lot of great preschools and daycares out there, but Brendan deserves more time with our family before he is off to school.


Brendan is thriving...we are now six months post adoption, and November will mark a year that he has been a part of our family. He is a different child than the one I met last October. Like any parenting decision, I will always hope and pray that what Jason and I decide is truly the best for our children, and in the meantime, I will just have faith.

One Less

Tonight I realized, I have an inferiority complex. Otherwise, why did I google "Blogs on international vs. foster care adoptions"? I am not embarassed of Brendan--not at all. He is A-MAZ-ING--in fact, when I stop and observe, he is probaby one of the best behaved three-year-olds EVER. This morning in Mass, I realized that I had achieved the "look" with him--inherited from my Dad, this is the ability to be at the other end of the pew and be able to correct any misbehavior with a single look. This is easier said than done--it took me YEARS to achieve with Cole Patrick--Bren is practically a prodigy! ;-)

[Sigh] Yet, I am having issues convincing others to see past his "stereotypes," which frustrates, angers and humbles me, and in general, has caused me to turn more inward since adopting. It has been a lasting negative effect that I have found most challenging. So, tonight I wondered, is it just me?? Am I imagining it?? Well, everybody knows, the best way to check out "reality" is to google it, so...that is just what I did. Alas, it isn't just me (whew)...in fact, I am starting to equate it to the "working moms" vs. "stay-at-home moms" debate. There will always be people who feel the millions orphaned children from impoverished countries are of greater need than abused/abandoned children in the U.S. and vice versa. I came across this blog that explained it best: http://buildingtheblocks.blogspot.com/2009/10/international-adoption-vs-adoption-from.html. I have mulled it over a number of times in the last ten months: how did I get here? No, really, HOW did I get here? I am not unhappy with my place, not at all, but I am amazed by the journey. God's hand is truly at work. I don't recall ever debating international vs. U.S. foster care adoption--we spent ample time examinng all our options. However, I actually don't recall thinking much at all--we were truly following our hearts--and we were not let down. Brendan is amazing (did I already mention that?!)--each day it becomes more apparent that he fits right in. We are his family. Family.

At the end of the day, the important thing is that he is one less child without a family. ONE LESS. I am starting to realize that only other adoptive families truly "get" it--really, I think most adoptive families would agree: it doesn't matter where or how adoption happened, so much as the fact that adoption happened.

Unfortunately, I barely know any other adoptive families, but I have hopes that will change. For us, it was simply logical, pretty much like this: "Hey, there are kids out there that need love and a family. You know what, we have room for more and extra love laying around. That's something we can do." I don't know how or when our adoption journey began--we pretty much just picked up the phone, and God took it from there.

I really like how the adoptive mom blogger mentioned above states it (much more eloquently than my blogs ever are!): 

"Take a chance.
Invest yourself in the life of someone else. Ask God to lead you to your child. Don’t be afraid to really live- because through you, a child to will have a chance really live also.
You won’t be sorry, I promise."

Wow.
Wow.

Seriously, she's not kidding. It just happens and despite my struggles with worrying about what others think about my son, and occasional inferiority complex, I KNOW God led me to Bren, and Bren is AMAZING. Truly.