How to be Black

Jason recently finished a book and highly recommended it to me. Since we have a mixed marriage, I had to go to the library to check out the version that looks, feels and smells like a book, as opposed to the electronic version he read on the iPad. So, this morning, I went to the library to check out the book: “How To Be Black.” As you can see, it is a really inconspicuous book, especially when a white woman is carrying it. J

By nature, I am an extraordinarily self-conscious person. So, it is somewhat ironic—perhaps even a bit humorous on God’s part—that I have found myself, having followed the Lord's calling, the mom in a transracial adoptive family. Being a transracial family in America is certainly one way to rip the band-aid right off of being overly self-conscious. Over the past year, I have tried to stand tall, often silently talking myself through it, as I knew eyes were on me. I know that some looks are purely curious, others judging—I am still struggling not to be overly-sensitive, either way. Slowly, we are learning to take everything in stride and infuse as much humor as possible into our family. My favorite response to “Is he adopted?” is when Jason responds, “He just came out that way. Imagine our surprise...!” I have not yet mustered up the courage to respond as boldly, and I cannot pull off humor like Jason, but I am getting there. I am confident I won't always have awkward responses...

It's no secret: Brendan's the cool one.


In no way has it been an easy year. However, it has certainly been an enlightening one. I have learned a lot about myself—not always proud moments. I hope I have built some character; I have definitely reinforced my belief that “character-building” experiences are not without lots of tears and frustration. I have also learned a little about what it is to be black. Beyond learning to care for skin and hair, I have learned that rub-on tattooes just don't work on dark skin, it is not nearly as easy in a dark bedroom to find my chocolate baby to kiss goodnight as it is to find my gravy babies, and finding personalized kid items in darker skin tones is next to impossible. Beyond the more trivial though, I have learned that the world often does see in black and white. I won’t try to verbalize this because I will surely express it with amazing ineptness, but I hope I am more understanding of every day struggles against racism. 



Apparently, this is the "dark" skin tone...Really? With a tan, I am darker than that!

As the book states in the introduction, it will not magically make you black if you are not already black, but it will certainly make you think,  maybe understand better…and certainly laugh. A lot. I have already laughed out-loud reading it in public—which is amusing just to imagine. With Black History Month coming up in February, I really like that the author, Baratunde Thurson, begins the book with 10 suggested ways to celebrate the contributions of blacks to America. Give it a shot, maybe give it a read. I really do believe that one tiny step at a time, we can all understand each other better--especially those of us who are a little different, like say, the Wrights...:-)