We are Different!

Bren & Me

A few days ago, Aidan told me that she was upset because a boy saw Brendan and me at school and said, "Hey, look at that white mom with a black baby!" I asked Aidan if she responded. She told me that she turned to him and said, "Hey, that's my Mom and my brother." (I am certain there was more attitude in the actual response than was displayed in the re-telling). "Okay, and how did he respond to you?" I inquired (I have learned from years of parenting to have all the information before giving any guidance). Aidan said he replied, "I'm sorry. I'm not racist." So, I asked Aidan what his race was, and she said he was African-American.

I told Aidan that some people really can be mean, but often times, people are just curious. I think this boy was just vocalizing his curiosity about what he saw. I don't think he was trying to be mean in any way. Either way, I let her know that I was super proud that she stood up rather than just pretending she didn't hear what he said.

Bren at Aidan's School

Every transracial family is different. I have heard of ones that do not discuss race at all, but we are absolutely open. Brendan knows his skin is a different color than ours. He has already expressed dislike of his skin color and a realization that "black" is often associated with bad or evil in media. I am a very straight-forward person--I face these issues head-on. I read him lots of books to encourage him to be proud of his race and to be confident in being adopted--any media that portrays differences as positive, I grab onto it!

I feel that the best way to prepare our family for comments of any kind is to talk openly--to be comfortable in our own skin (pun totally intended!). Aidan still struggles to comfortably say the word "black"; she feels it is offensive and whispers it--so we continue to work on that. The best defense we can have if, and more likely when, a truly mean comment is made, is to be knowledgeable, prepared and confident about who we are.

Bren looking dapper for Musical Theatre

By nature, people are curious. As we prepare to move, now to Colorado, we will likely experience more eyes watching us. We have spent a year and a half as a transracial family, and overall, most people here at MacDill, at least on base,  no longer look at us too differently. Going to a new post, we will likely see an influx of curiosity. I know even Bren is starting to notice when people look too long. At Mass this past Sunday I noticed a little girl staring. I looked down at Bren to see he was giving her a "what are you lookin' at?" look in response. Bren is strong; I am certain he will learn to hold his own. But as we all learn to own our identities, I want him to be proud: proud of his race, proud of his story, and proud of his family.

We ARE different. As I tell the kids, "If we were all the same, it would be boring." We sing songs about being different; we read books about being different; we watch episodes of Sesame Street that celebrate differences. We embrace being different, hoping our children will grow up to feel comfortable, confident and loved.