Last Sunday, Aidan was playing "Hunger Games" with the neighborhood kids. Now, I know...that sounds bad right from the start. Not surprisingly, a neighborly game based on "literature", over time, has morphed into a less-than-neighborly game (many of the Nerf weapons were purchased by yours truly; I certainly hold some responsibility). On Sunday, I didn't want Aidan to play--when she asked I encouraged her to do other activities, but Cole Patrick was playing, and she persisted. As her parent, I take responsibility on this account as well.
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| Aidan, Our Treasure |
Jason was gone, and I had been out a couple times, and in foresight, should have brought Aidan and Cole inside. Nonetheless I did not, and pretty soon Aidan came in sobbing. She had a big welt on her thigh that was already starting to bruise. A Nerf sword (probably our Nerf sword...) and wielded with a lot of force to leave that mark.
I remain bothered by the incident, as well as somewhat more aware of my responsibility to my children. I do not deny that there is a lesson to be learned about the situation I allowed her to put herself in. We all learned a lesson; I also considered the situation if it had been reversed: what if Cole Patrick or Brendan ever left a mark on a girl...how would we handle it? God help them if that ever happens! Maybe I am "old-fashioned", but at the very minimum, I know we would be certain that they personally and profusely apologize.
I have thought a lot about where behavior starts and why. We have officially known Brendan 50 weeks--he is a different child than we met in October 2011--180 degrees. In the beginning we were perplexed by many of his behaviors, "Why does he do that? What is wrong with him?" Turns out, the answer was simple: no one ever told him differently; no one ever invested in him. Parenting a child is work, a lot of work. I mean actual parenting: reading, talking, correcting, saying no when it would be way easier to say yes, and actually engaging when it is easier to let a TV, DS, Wii, Kindle or iPad do it for you. The payoff, however, is tremendous.
I saw my Mom hit by my Dad growing up; I am pretty sure he saw the same when he was a child. It starts somewhere--who knows where, and if no one explains to a boy that girls are not to be hit (or to a girl, for that matter)--even with a Nerf sword--what happens? I learned long ago that no matter how much I wish for it, I cannot control how other people parent, but not for an instant will I let Aidan think that, even in a game, I find this behavior acceptable. When appropriate, it is important for children to be defended by adults. As parents, we define right and wrong in an increasingly gray world--a world that is moving much faster than when I was a child.
I have been reading "The Princess and the Kiss" to Aidan since she was a baby with the sole purpose to instill in her that she is a precious gift from God. For almost eleven years, we have been laying the solid foundation to prepare her for the tougher challenges and choices in life that are rapidly approaching as she grows older. The decisions in her life will require self-respect and fortitude, but she is strong and confident. I am certain she will always persevere.
It's funny, the things you remember from childhood. Many of them are senses rather than actually vivid memories: a smell, joy, security. This particular incident will certainly fade, but Aidan will remember the sense of knowing we treasure her and will always strive to protect her.
