Last night I was sitting in the ballet studio hall reading to Bren when a fellow "dance mom" walked by and said, "I was told you would be a good person to talk to." Okay...not really sure where this is going. "How do you do it?" she asked. "How do you manage Aidan's school and dance and a family?" She continued, "How do you justify all the money spent for training and intensives? How do you revolve your whole family around her? Do you REALLY want her to be a professional dancer?? Isn't she losing her childhood? Wouldn't he [pointing to Bren] rather be playing football with his friends than sitting here every night?" Whoa.
Yes, I spend every night of the week, except Sundays (and sometimes Sundays), in the dance hallway between studios reading to Bren while Aidan and sometimes Cole Patrick dance. This is a choice we made for our family; it is an investment. While Aidan may or may not become a professional, the training she is enjoying is teaching her life lessons of grace, discipline and hard work. She has continually and consistently shown us the passion, determination and work ethic required to follow this dream. She already spends equal amount of time at ballet as she does at school and would welcome more, if it was available. This isn't a childhood we are imposing on her, this is a childhood she wants more than anything in the world. Aidan is blessed with many gifts; I have no doubt that she will do something great, but only God knows what that actually may be.
In the meantime, I see nothing wrong with teaching my boys to support and appreciate their sister. Being selfless, is a virtue that will serve them for a lifetime. I don't look at them as losing something, but gaining. Additionally, they know we support dreams--when they find theirs, we will support them, too. As for reading to Bren, what better gift could I give him? Yes, as a parent who doesn't do electronics for five-year-olds, he quite possibly may be the most read to child in the world! We always have a book bag with us ready to read, but I don't think he is missing out. Between the bonding and the love of reading, I see it as a gift. What actually concerns me is the fact that people continually comment on the fact that I am always seen reading to him. People don't criticize it, they notice it because the fact is, today, you are more likely to see a five-year-old with an iPhone or a DS then being read a book. Even as I write this, I am listening to Bren beside me playing with his castle and all the characters, absorbed in their storyline. What can I say, I like old school; I believe in it--I just don't see technology as a substitute for books and imaginations that have thrived for generations.
At the library this week, I overheard two moms with pre-schoolers complaining that they put computers in the Children's Section. It left them no choice but to allow their children to play the computer games when they come to the library. Not to judge, but really? Who exactly is the parent in your family? I have always firmly believed in boundaries, rules and clear expectations for children, but adopting really drove that point home for me. I think with Aidan and Cole Patrick I was just following my instincts and praying for the best, but when Bren became our son at two, with little to no boundaries, I realized that hey, I may be on to something. Over the past almost three years, we have slowly [and sometimes with much difficulty] watched a brooding, somewhat lost two-year-old become a happy, bright five-year-old. I truly believe that having boundaries and set family rules helped him feel part of something, to be part of our team, included in our family. I am just a parent, certainly not a child psychologist, but I am convinced that children thrive on structure and part of that structure is knowing your parents are in charge.
I left the dance conversation feeling uneasy; I felt sorry for the other mom. I think I had believed that everyone who had children that found their dream was happy with their position. I love seeing Aidan follow her passion; seeing the joy in her eyes when she performs always brings me joy. Though I know it is work for all of us, life is about choices, about sacrifices. Though I realized she wanted me to commiserate with her on how difficult this is, I just don't see it that way. In reality, I walked away filled with the joy of feeling completely blessed.
