Two years ago...

On October 18, 2011, we met our youngest son. On November 5, 2011, he came to permanently live with us. As we are marking our time together, and as next week begins National Adoption Month, I have been reflecting on our journey--the good, the bad and the ugly.

The first picture we receive of Brendan at disclosure

One of the reasons I write this blog is to be completely honest about my adoption experience. I can honestly say, adoption really isn't THAT much different than parenthood...it is HARD. It isn't rainbows and ponies. It is consistent, repetitive, HARD work--just like parenting bio children. Early on in this journey, I adopted the motto, "We can do hard things." Simple, to the point...we can. There were days that these five words alone carried my faith that this day would come.

I have always been honest about my adoption struggles. Jason never struggled; Aidan never struggled; Cole Patrick and I...we struggled enough for the whole family! On my darkest days, I believed I had failed everyone--that Brendan would be better off with another family. I struggled significantly with attachment, which as a Mom, is, honestly, just pure hell. There was a time--a long time--where Cole Patrick completely rejected Bren, and I agonized over why God had brought us here.

Race relations was just another layer to our new, complex lives. I often cursed the fact that there was no privacy to the fact that Bren was adopted. Every one knew--I imagined people's judgment when he acted out in public. I  was embarrassed by the staring when I went to the store...or pretty much anywhere in public. Some people had obvious judgment, others gave me smiles of pity. I hated both the judgment and the "pity"...I still do, but either I see less of it, or I am just no longer so sensitive. I think it is probably both--I think Colorado is actually a more tolerant area than Florida was, and I have also learned to proudly "own" my family's new identity.

This morning--I watched as Cole Patrick woke Brendan up by laying on top of him and giggling together. There was a time that Cole would not even touch Brendan. We have come so far. By the grace of God, so far.



Bren with Preschool Homework. So proud!

Today, I cannot even believe the difference. Bren is a different boy than the defiant little guy that came to live with us two years ago--he is just amazing! He is so smart--he can definitely intellectually hang with Aidan and Cole Patrick, which honestly was my only request during home study beyond keeping birth order in tact. He is sweet, loving, funny and I am so proud of him--so proud of what our family has experienced--and it is just the beginning.

Yesterday I had Bren's first parent-teacher conference at school. I heard a lot of "Brendan is the only one that can do this...Brendan is the only one that understands that..." Then his teacher said, "I love how he tells his friends, 'We can do hard things' when there is a challenge." :-) That's my boy!

 I don't think our story is remarkable or too different than others who have chosen this path, but it has changed my world in ways I never imagined. I do pray that someone who has watched our journey is inspired. Adoption is beyond amazing, it really is. There are so many children who just want a family. Time and love--that is all it really takes--just like parenting bio children. Honestly.